🔗 Share this article

We've been friends for over two decades, who has overcome numerous challenges, and I respect her for that. But, she's repeatedly caught off guard by people. Her partner ended their marriage, and it was a massive blow. Several of her friends disappeared during that time, because they seemed only interested in the spouse. This surprised her deeply. She put in greater energy to be my friend, and must have realised better what friendship was.

Ongoing Issues With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, several close to her have disappeared without her being sure why. The company she worked for turned on her, even though she was highly competent, she departed unaware of what had changed.

Present Situation

In recent times, both of us stepped back from work so we're spending frequent meetups, however, I feel the part I play in our friendship is to listen. I open subjects and she changes them to things she cares about. Politically, she holds strong opinions. I try to recommend verifying facts or other angles.

She is arranging a trip to a country I've visited repeatedly and resided in for a while. My intention was to provide insights, but this was unappreciated. She essentially just desired validation of her choices. I have come back from 30 days in that country she is eager to catch up, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to be a friend who abandons suddenly without explanation, yet I doubt she'll truly understand the consequences of her behaviour on my confidence. At this point, I find myself in pulling back. How should I proceed?

Potential Solutions

One option is to cut and run, but it is not often the peaceful resolution that we desire. Yet having a direct talk with a view to a solution takes courage and readiness from both people.

Professional advice indicates applying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Step one requires explaining the usual pattern during your discussions. Aim for this to be based on facts like an unbiased account. Next involves sharing how this affects you emotionally. This allows for no dispute here. What you feel are your feelings, of course. The third step is to question ways you together will alter the pattern in your relationship."

Keep in mind she too has her own side, so you need to stay open to acknowledge it. One effective method is telling her:

"It's your turn to speak while I will not say anything for a set time."

It's remarkably effective to encourage mutual respect.

Key Takeaways

This person could ignore your concerns, since certain individuals hold onto a deep-seated story: they rely on a story regarding their experiences they cannot abandon because their very survival relies on it and it's all familiar to them. It's tough when there seems no thoroughfare with these people, only cul-de-sacs. Yet she could initially present defensively and then think about what you've said. And should you never reach a fix, it will give you satisfaction that you've been honest with her.