The Words from My Dad That Helped Me when I became a Brand-New Father

"In my view I was just trying to survive for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of being a father.

Yet the truth rapidly became "completely different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he burnt out. That was when a talk with his parent, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The simple statement "You're not in a healthy space. You need assistance. How can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His story is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now more comfortable addressing the stress on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties dads encounter.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his struggles are linked to a broader inability to talk amongst men, who continue to hold onto harmful ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and remains standing every time."

"It's not a display of failure to ask for help. I failed to do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - particularly ahead of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental well-being is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the opportunity to request a pause - going on a couple of days overseas, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He realised he had to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotional states as well as the logistical chores of taking care of a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has reshaped how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of feelings and interpret his parenting choices.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without reliable male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held emotional pain caused his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "poor decisions" when in his youth to change how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Strategies for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you feel under pressure, confide in a friend, your partner or a therapist how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that made you feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. It could be playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the body - nutritious food, staying active and where possible, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mind is coping.
• Meet other first-time fathers - hearing about their journeys, the challenges, along with the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - prioritising your own well-being is the most effective way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the security and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the emotions constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they acknowledged their pain, altered how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I expressed, on occasion I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding as much as you are on this path."